Let;'s join something!

Why not join something. It looks good on your resume. Hey, you will always have something in the mail asking for money, BESIDES a bill. Here are 11 things people join, because they haven't yet realized that meetings suck.

1. Fraternity

You hold events in the spirit the ancient excess of Western Civilization's greatest thinkers, but all that ever gets re-enacted is the vomitorium. You find new and exciting ways to rape Freshmen girls and rape the innocence of Freshmen boys (No, it's not a Christian College, it's the "Greek system"). It makes you FEEL like you're in a life-long, secret, Illuminati-esque society, but all you get after you graduate is a secret knock and a stupid T-Shirt.

2. Union

It's the oldest and most spirited way of hanging out with people at work. It's also a great way for mafia to get into politics. Unions fight for the workers rights, but only if the workers stop working. Unions attempt to organize people who work in specifically independent trades. Unions prevent us from having companies that rip off it's employees and pass the savings onto cheapskates. That is until the day that cheapskates unite.

3. Golf Club

It's a great way to get a discount on customized tees. What else could possibly justify spending that much on a set of sporting equipment? An expensive membership! If you used that money on hockey equipment, you'd own the Nashville Predators. You also get to buy an extra pair of shoes, they're really cool and metal. Having a caddy is half as bad as having a male sex slave.

4. Fan Club

You love this artist so much that you'd suck their... anything! Get as dirty as you want! You'd do it! You filthy star-fucking whore. Do you have a poster? Do you often visit an "artist's" chat room to talk to other "fans" of this "artist." Is this "artist" a top 40 pop star or science fiction actor/actress?

5. Book Club

Like, what's the point of reading something that four or five other people have read? I thought to whole point of reading was to stump someone on a book, as to seem better read then them. Let's share our feelings on a book, it's better then talking about reality, or y'know hanging out.... like normal people. It also gives you a great excuse to blow off your friends to study, even when you're not in school.

6. Support group

You gotta give it up. We can help; we've gotta give it up too. It's hard being anti-fun, but if we do it together we can help each other. "I wasn't born a Christian, but I found Jesus while trying to keep my nose clean." I think it's cheating to prey on the drug-addled when trying to find fresh converts, but maybe I'm old-fashioned.

7. Block association

Keep your neighborhood safe from unlicensed ice cream vendors and double parking. From now on your not aimlessly walking around the block, you're patrolling the perimeter of your mighty block-wide empire. You are no longer a shut-in, but committed to your proud land and it's people.

8. Religious Cult

Think of it this way... You could live in a safe, closed-off environment where everybody dresses the same, and everyone is force fed the same hogwash explanations for the way life started, perpetuates itself and what happens after it all ends... but you pay half as much for it as you do for Catholic school.

9. Political Party

Always wanted to sport a button, but might be afraid that it express some kind of individuality, making you "different." Join a political party and wear the same buttons as hundreds of thousands of like-minded robot pricks. It's the best way to affect the political process, if y'know money is out of the question for you. Don't blame me, I voted for who ever I'm supposed to.

10. PTA

The best way to make sure your child is being held responsible for while you work: Bake brownies. The shortest road to getting a book banned is through the PTA. It's a great place to pick-up chicks, once you get to the point where it doesn't matter if they have kids or not.

11. Militia

I dunno it sounds kind of malicious. It's like playing with G.I. Joes, but for adults. What else are you going to do out in the woods after hunting no longer quenches your thirst for fresh blood? Your best defense against an invasion of aliens.